She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
