I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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