So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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