I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When are your genitals available?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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