There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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