Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
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Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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