I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
