He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
