Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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