Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize