i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
