We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
