i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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