Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
