we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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