i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
A bitchslap is in order.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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