sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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