I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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