the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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