just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
