you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
