girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
