No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
