If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
