I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You made out with two different species that night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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