Im at strip club and am horny
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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