Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Even my vagina gasped.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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