Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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