Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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