Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
