i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
