I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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