I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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