dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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