you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
