I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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