I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
As shirtless as possible
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
