just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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