Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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