New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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