I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
