last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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