Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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