so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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