a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
