I'm lost and stupid without you.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
