remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
