her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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