If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
