omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
