I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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