On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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