What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
