Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize