wanna go halves on a baby?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
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So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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