I didn't shave. On purpose
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
