We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
