Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
