Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
