My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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